To be totally blunt, I’m not in the mood to update this blog. By the time I sit down at the end of the day I have become unenthused, ungrateful and frankly kind of dramatic. I’ve really been focusing on the difficulties involved in a summer of fundraising, rather than the blessings.
Some nights I convince myself that everyone disproves of our family’s choice to continue in our mission work with FOCUS. Other nights I’m just so certain that the people I’ve called that day (to ask for financial support) have a dart board with my picture on it hanging right by their phone (as if many people really have wall mounted phones anymore). Of course, I know these scenes are all lies the devil places in my tired brain, but instead of acknowledging that fact, and turning to Jesus, I’ve been picking up the remote. Rather let CNN or HGTV distract me then give God ten minutes to hold me. (You know, because seeing some people obsess over their lack of granite countertops and others wonder why our country has so many problems, is so uplifting.)
Dumb, I know. But, hey, I’m just being honest.
What’s so infuriating to me is that I can’t make sense of how I could end my days spent with my spirited husband and beautiful charmer of a son with a “woe is me” attitude. The whole situation feels quite illogical.
So, I’m going back to a basic suggestion from a friend and mentor of mine: End my day by writing out ten very specific things I’m grateful for from the day.
I don’t have to explain why this helps. It’s fairly obvious why somewhat forcing myself to write down gifts I’ve been given today changes my inner conversation with God. My side of the conversation transforms from seriously God, give me a freaking break to (in my case) a silent and humble mental wow followed by an embarrassed smile.
I guess I forgot about that eye doctor and his wife who bent over backwards to encourage us the other night, or those hundreds of families who support what we do, and that husband of mine who brought home those sandals I’ve been eyeing, and of course that healthy kid who looks like me and smiles like his father.
Funny how reality is less depressing then we are tempted to think.